DEALING WITH TODDLER TEMPER TANTRUMS

Posted by Fran on 29 December 2009 | Tags: toddlers, tantrums, temper tantrums, time-out, children | 22 Comments

No Time-Outs Under The Age of Four Years!
Toddlers between 18 months and four years move back and forth between attachment and separation.   The separation process is not resolved until age three to four.  Children under this age are not developed enough to handle or understand a time out.

There is a risk that your child may feel abandoned and alone in his struggle.

PHYSICALLY CONTAIN THE OUT-OF-CONTROL TODDLER.  

Young children are learning to regulate strong feelings.  Children are like teapots. When they reach a level of excitement, intense emotion overflows like steam.  The parent must remain calm.   This can be a challenge with powerful feelings from your toddler, especially if he feels rage toward you.
Seat your child in a small chair.   Stand behind him but there with him.
Say gently, “When you stop crying and pulling on Mommy, we’ll go back to the sandbox and try again.”  You are not punishing. You are supportively coaching your child to socialize him.   If your child will not stay in the chair, sit on the floor with your legs crossed (Indian style).  Put your screaming toddler in your lap facing away from you (to protect yourself from getting hurt).  Hold him in your lap with your hands holding his arms to keep him still.   You are helping him settle by using your body as a warm, cocoon-like container.   Soon, he will take in the calm from you and learn to calm himself.

• NARRATION    Your toddler needs your help to raise her self-awareness.   She also needs your empathic attunement to build her self-esteem and become an empathic person.  Do this by verbalizing simple phrases when you see upset bubbling up in her.   For example, “Susie wanted to stay at the park, and we had to go home. Susie got mad . . . BIG mad. It’s hard to stop when you want more.”   Toddlers have not mastered pronouns so be sure to use your child’s name and yours when narrating.  Or, Susie was playing with a ball and Dylan grabbed it. Susie got mad and hit Dylan. No hitting people! Susie can say, “That’s mine, give it back.”  
Your job as parent is to equip your child with skills and coping techniques for dealing with life.  
It begins young.   We cannot shield children from life’s disappointments.
We can teach children to cope with their own feelings, behavior, and relationships.