http://www.drfranwalfish.com/blog/ http://www.drfranwalfish.com/blog/dealing-with-toddler-temper-tantrums/ <p>No Time-Outs Under The Age of Four Years!<br/> Toddlers between 18 months and four years move back and forth between attachment and separation.   The separation process is not resolved until age three to four.  Children under this age are not developed enough to handle or understand a time out.</p> <p>There is a risk that your child may feel abandoned and alone in his struggle.</p> <h4>PHYSICALLY CONTAIN THE OUT-OF-CONTROL TODDLER.  </h4> <p>Young children are learning to regulate strong feelings.  Children are like teapots. When they reach a level of excitement, intense emotion overflows like steam.  The parent must remain calm.   This can be a challenge with powerful feelings from your toddler, especially if he feels rage toward you.
Seat your child in a small chair.   Stand behind him but there with him.<br/>Say gently, “When you stop crying and pulling on Mommy, we’ll go back to the sandbox and try again.”  You are not punishing. You are supportively coaching your child to socialize him.   If your child will not stay in the chair, sit on the floor with your legs crossed (Indian style).  Put your screaming toddler in your lap facing away from you (to protect yourself from getting hurt).  Hold him in your lap with your hands holding his arms to keep him still.   You are helping him settle by using your body as a warm, cocoon-like container.   Soon, he will take in the calm from you and learn to calm himself.</p> <p>• NARRATION    Your toddler needs your help to raise her self-awareness.   She also needs your empathic attunement to build her self-esteem and become an empathic person.  Do this by verbalizing simple phrases when you see upset bubbling up in her.   For example, “Susie wanted to stay at the park, and we had to go home. Susie got mad . . . BIG mad. It’s hard to stop when you want more.”   Toddlers have not mastered pronouns so be sure to use your child’s name and yours when narrating.  Or, Susie was playing with a ball and Dylan grabbed it. Susie got mad and hit Dylan. No hitting people! Susie can say, “That’s mine, give it back.”  <br/>Your job as parent is to equip your child with skills and coping techniques for dealing with life.  <br/>It begins young.   We cannot shield children from life’s disappointments.<br/>We can teach children to cope with their own feelings, behavior, and relationships.</p> Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:00:00 -0600 http://www.drfranwalfish.com/blog/dealing-with-toddler-temper-tantrums/ http://www.drfranwalfish.com/blog/special-time/ <p>I found that children are happier and more secure when they have a short non-interrupted opportunity every day to connect with their parent (s) on a one-on-one level.  Living in today's world is demanding and stressful.  It is an enormous job to meet the caretaking, educational, and emotional needs of all children.  Many families have two working parents where time constraints are especially present.</p> <ol><p><span id="Form_EditForm_Content"><ol><li>Many parents have reported positive changes in their child’s mood, sense of self, attitude and behavior toward others when “Special Time” has been implemented.  Essential elements of “Special Time: are as follows:</li> <li>The length of time is “10 minutes” ONLY (long enough to impact the child; short enough for parents to do each day).<br/>The content of the “10 minutes” is pure pleasure.  Allow your child to choose what he or she wants to do with you for “Special Time”.  For example:  go for a walk around the block, make an ice-cream cone together, read a book, draw a picture).  It should be something that is pleasant for the parent as well, so your child experiences a positive connection.  DO NOT discuss anything that could raise the child’s anxiety during these 10 minutes, (ie:  school or social pressures, difficulties the child is struggling with, tests).</li> <li>It needs to be done at a similar time every day  (ie:  after nap, before dinner, after dinner, after school, before bed – same time each day).</li> <li>If possible, do “Special Time” every day for consistency.  Sometimes, it is not possible if a parent works many long hours, or has several children.  In that case, it is helpful to have one day per week when he knows he will have Mom all to himself.  Perhaps every Thursday after school he and Mom go to the ice-cream shop, just the two of them to eat ice-cream and talk.</li> </ol></span></p> <p><br/>When the “10 minutes” have passed, many children want more time.  This is your opportunity to set a limit by explaining that time’s up, and tomorrow at the same time we will have “Special Time” again.  Your child is learning to trust deeper, because as you promised you return the next day.  Your child is also learning to tolerate the frustration of “wanting more” and having to “wait”.  This is good preparation for school and social relationships.  <br/><br/>The more predictability in a child’s life, the easier it is for the child to anticipate what is happening next.  This reduces anxiety, and builds a sense of security and self-confidence in children.  Routines are a good idea.<br/><br/>A loving parent is one who both nurtures with love and affection, as well as sets limits and boundaries.  Parents need to be comfortable with both.  Setting a limit gives children an opportunity to grow.</p> </ol> Mon, 28 Dec 2009 16:00:00 -0600 http://www.drfranwalfish.com/blog/special-time/