SPECIAL TIME
I found that children are happier and more secure when they have a short non-interrupted opportunity every day to connect with their parent (s) on a one-on-one level. Living in today's world is demanding and stressful. It is an enormous job to meet the caretaking, educational, and emotional needs of all children. Many families have two working parents where time constraints are especially present.
- Many parents have reported positive changes in their child’s mood, sense of self, attitude and behavior toward others when “Special Time” has been implemented. Essential elements of “Special Time: are as follows:
- The length of time is “10 minutes” ONLY (long enough to impact the child; short enough for parents to do each day).
The content of the “10 minutes” is pure pleasure. Allow your child to choose what he or she wants to do with you for “Special Time”. For example: go for a walk around the block, make an ice-cream cone together, read a book, draw a picture). It should be something that is pleasant for the parent as well, so your child experiences a positive connection. DO NOT discuss anything that could raise the child’s anxiety during these 10 minutes, (ie: school or social pressures, difficulties the child is struggling with, tests). - It needs to be done at a similar time every day (ie: after nap, before dinner, after dinner, after school, before bed – same time each day).
- If possible, do “Special Time” every day for consistency. Sometimes, it is not possible if a parent works many long hours, or has several children. In that case, it is helpful to have one day per week when he knows he will have Mom all to himself. Perhaps every Thursday after school he and Mom go to the ice-cream shop, just the two of them to eat ice-cream and talk.
When the “10 minutes” have passed, many children want more time. This is your opportunity to set a limit by explaining that time’s up, and tomorrow at the same time we will have “Special Time” again. Your child is learning to trust deeper, because as you promised you return the next day. Your child is also learning to tolerate the frustration of “wanting more” and having to “wait”. This is good preparation for school and social relationships.
The more predictability in a child’s life, the easier it is for the child to anticipate what is happening next. This reduces anxiety, and builds a sense of security and self-confidence in children. Routines are a good idea.
A loving parent is one who both nurtures with love and affection, as well as sets limits and boundaries. Parents need to be comfortable with both. Setting a limit gives children an opportunity to grow.